Archive | Funny Stories

What Was She Thinking?

Jessica (10) is my eldest and she is quite a character.  She is smart, has a fantastic memory, and loves trivia.  She is very responsible, helpful and dependable.  She is funny and quirky and a bit of a nerd.  I am not sure how she manages to be so intelligent and still run short on common sense sometimes.  She tends to take things very literally which can end up with very hilarious situations.  A good example of this occurred at a recent church activity and I felt compelled to share it here on the blog.

It is a custom serve iced tea and coffee at our church dinners.  For those who don’t care for tea or coffee we also offer soft drinks out of our soda machine.  Folks may have their first soft drink free of charge. After that each can of soda costs .50 cents.  Such was the case at a party held recently in our church dining hall.  Our pastor prayed for the meal and then announced “The soda machine is open. The first drink is free, after that they are .50 cents.”.

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Jessica went through the line and fixed her plate of refreshments and then came to me and requested .50 cents for a drink.  I was shocked that she had already consumed one can of soda.  I said “why do you need to buy a soda already?  You haven’t even eaten your food”.  She explained that she hadn’t had a soda yet.  I told her “Go get a soda from the machine. You don’t need any money. Pastor said the first one is free”.   She looked exasperated and said “But Mom, Allen got the first soda!”.

Allen is a guy in our congregation and apparently he was the first one who took a soda from the machine.  I had to laugh.  I suppose in her mind she pictured everyone racing to the machine to retrieve the first and only free drink.   Needless to say, everyone at the party got a good laugh and Jess got a free Dr. Pepper.

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Brains & BooBoos

10606559_10154540591380377_4169801425641453068_nMy youngest child, Bella, is now two years old and she is rarely ever quiet.  We tend to tune out her incessant chatter during important conversations because her voice is always there, in the background, just nattering on about this and that.  But then in those moments when there is a lull in adult conversation, we often pause to see what it is that she is actually talking about.  Sometimes we discover that she is only being preposterous (her word) and other times we discover that she really does have some important information to impart.  This happened a few days ago while we were driving down the road to pick up lunch from our local Subway.

Bella was riding in her seat talking about all the things we were passing in the car when she suddenly looked down to discover a scratch on the top of her foot.  She matter-of-factly stated “Ohhh, Bella dot a booboo. It look-uh like a seven!”.

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Mommy Fail

As a mom I am sure there are going to be many times when I feel like I have failed my children. It’s just reality. It is going to happen. Parenting is a learning process and no parent is perfect. This past week proved that to me with an incident that I will not be forgetting any time soon.

It all started first thing in the morning when Bella (2 years) decided she need a “bath & bubbles”. It has become a habit with her lately. When her diaper is removed first thing in the morning she starts squirming out of her clothes and demanding a “bath & bubbles”. This particular morning was no different. She stripped down to nothing and galloped off to the bathroom while I followed behind her. She danced around the tub while I put in the plug, regulated the water and added the bubbles. I left the room for a moment to locate a set of clean clothes for the little clean freak. When I returned I stopped in my tracks at the door of the bathroom. My two year old was standing in front of the sink stark naked, wild curls sticking up in every direction. She was bent over at the waist with her skinny bottom sticking out.  Her head was thrown back in sheer pleasure as she methodically scratched her posterior with her older brothers orange toothbrush.

tooth

I couldn’t help myself. I stood in the bathroom door and laughed till I couldn’t breath. When she was finished and her hinder parts were sufficiently scratched she turned and saw me in the doorway. I snatched the toothbrush away and scolded her for bothering what did not belong to her. We proceeded with the bath and went on with our busy day. I never thought about the incident again until much later that evening. Too much later as a matter of fact. I never thought of it again until big brother was saying goodnight and marching up the stairs to his bed. I dropped everything and said “Levi, did you brush your teeth?”. He proudly said “I already did it Mom!”. I cringed and said “What color is your toothbrush?”.  Much to my horror he replied “The orange one is mine.”.  Apparently I had laid the toothbrush on the edge of the sink and never went back for it.  Total. Mommy. Fail.
There was nothing left to do at that point but laugh again.

sleepLuckily Levi dotes on his baby sister so he fell into a fit of giggles and ran to the bathroom to deposit the orange toothbrush in the garbage. He learned a valuable lesson that night. From now on he will be putting his toothbrush away in the cabinet where it belongs.

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Listen To The Little People

1069222_10151493370457256_1039752484_nToday I have been busy trying to conquer my laundry mountain and my little shadow Judah (4),  has been singing all morning while following me around the house.  The song on his heart today may sound familiar.  It goes like this,  “A sunbean – a sunbean – Jesus wants me for a sunbean – A sunbean – a sunbean – I’ll be a sunbean for Hiiiiim“.  I finally asked him “What IS a sunbean”?  He explained that “It is a bean that grows up into a sun”. “And this is what Jesus wants you to be?” I asked. He promptly replied  “Yes, you know like… (singing) A seed goes in the ground – and soon you will see – that I begin to grow – and do the word of God …“.

It’s amazing the information that you can acquire by paying attention to the little ones who live with you.  We as adults get so busy that we often tune out their chatter while we concentrate on more “important” tasks.  The constant drone of little voices fades into the background of our daily lives and we often miss little snippets of childish wisdom.  I try to pause every chance I get and just listen to what is actually being said by these little people and sometimes their conversations are just awesome. Sometimes you can see reflections of yourself as a child. Sometimes you hear things that upset you.  Sometimes you get a good laugh.  Sometimes you learn a little lesson.  But one thing is certain…

it is ALWAYS entertaining.

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A Disturbing Dilemma

There’s something so sweet about fuzzy baby animals.  Goats are no exception.  They are feisty, curious and playful. We were so excited when the baby goat we were waiting for turned out to be twins.  We couldn’t wait to bring these little girls home.   Our daughter quickly claimed the white one with blue eyes and a pink nose and she quickly settled on the name “Heidi”.  Our son was left with the brown baby girl and he chose the name “Seekie”.   In the months since their birth Heidi and Seekie have become a part of life around our place.  We hear them call when they are hungry and we know their personalities.   The kids spend all hours outside playing with them, hunting them, and going on adventures together.  So it came as quite a shock when our little Heidi started to become quite ornery. She started head butting anything new in the yard and becoming a little aggressive to the other animals.  Upon further investigation of the problem we discovered the reason behind this sudden shift in behavior.  It’s a sad day at our place.  Today we discovered that “Heidi” is really “Harry”.

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Who ever heard of Plantology?

Licensed Plantologists

It amazes me sometimes how Jessica (9) will fight all day long with Levi (6) but at the same time can play so well with Judah (4).  You would think that she would prefer to play with someone closer to her own age.  Not so!  After endless days of observing these two, I have reached conclusion as to why they are so compatible. Judah thinks Jessica is so awesome that he will do what ever the bossy older sister tells him to. She can dress him up and tell him what to do or say and he will happily oblige.  A few days ago she marched him into the living room where I was and together they informed me that they were “Licensed Plantologists” and set forth trying convince me to let them go outside in this get-up to “catalog” the plants in our yard.  After some pretty heavy persuasion I finally agreed and for the next two hours they dug, planted, sorted, piled and plucked everything that resembled plant life.  Some may argue that there is no such thing as “plantology” and these two children were just wasting their time.  Personally, I like to think that inspiring their little imaginations is just as educational as studying a book on botany.  Who said learning can’t be fun?!

 

 

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Can’t Get No “Cooperation”


It has been a very lazy week for our family. The remnants of these horrible chest colds will not leave and we are all hacking, coughing and sniffling and it seems that it may just last forever. There’s really nothing like a night of coughing to kick motivation to the curb.  Good intentions have been set aside for fuzzy blankets and cartoons while we all do our best to recover.  The week is now ending and there is warm weather in our forecast and with that news came a very dim spark of energy. I gathered the kids together for a “meeting” and informed them that after lunch we were going to do a bit of housework. I had them all raise their right hands and pledge to “cooperate”.  Judah, my youngest (4), can NOT say the word.  It was hilarious to see the bewildered look on his face each time he pledged to “ohcockerate”.  Needless to say, our meeting ended with fits of giggles and we still have a messy playroom. 

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Sick Slave Driver

For seven long days my family and I have been quarantined in our cozy little home battling what would appear to be either the flu or some very serious colds.  One by one each of the four kids came down with it and then finally I too became a victim.  As any mother knows, it is just torturous watching your children when they are sick.  It is worse when they are very small because they can’t really tell you what is wrong and therefore you have no certain answer as to what to do to comfort them.  It is stressful emotionally and physically.  You simply have to use a process of elimination until you find something miraculous that makes it all better.  This is precisely why I am not sure whether to be furious or amused at my eldest son. After being confined to the house for a solid week and spending the majority of my time (day and night) fetching, carrying, washing, medicating, bathing, feeding, fussing, covering, uncovering, patting, singing, worrying (at times pretty sick myself), I’ll admit I am confused as to what would be the “appropriate” reaction to this latest… episode.  Last night, when I left the room on what had to be the 15th errand for my ailing boy, he grinned a devilish ornery grin at his Granny and whispered “I am just pretending to be sick so my Mommy will be my slave.”.

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Frightfully Funny

So every year my husband asks and every year I tell him “no”. But this year our two eldest were talking a big game so I caved and let him drag out his ginormous mask. (Those who have seen it know it is bad wicked). So he suited himself all up and stomped into the living room and let out a loud roar. Levi curled up in a fetal position in the floor and Jess screamed like she was dying. 30 minutes later…still crying and vowing to never speak to him again.

Judah (who is only 4) heard all the commotion and insisted that Daddy scare him with it too. After repeatedly telling him no (for fear of him being terrified) Jonathan finally snuck it back out and did the same to him. Judah fell over backwards giggling hysterically (His father’s child). He then ran to the bathroom where his older brother and sister were hiding and yelled “You can come out now! There aint nothing to be scared of!”.

Not sure if it is a demonstration of bravery or stupidity but the big scary mask didn’t phase the little guy.  Let’s hope this “fearless” nature doesn’t cause me to have more grey hair when he gets a little older!

The Mask

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